Bewilderment

There are some times in life when I wonder. I wonder why things happen the way they do, why people lie and cheat and manipulate. Honestly, I can't understand why people want to hurt each other. There are so many things in this world that I can't comprehend. I don't even understand myself most of the time. Why do I get my hopes up? Why do I misread the intentions of others?

Like I said in a previous post, my life swings up and down. I'm down right now. Past the angst that can lead to creation, but still spiraling towards some unknown depth.

I probably shouldn't even be writing this. It's useless to dwell on emotion like this. But a song from one of my favorite Broadway musicals sums it up.

Don't dream too far

Don't lose sight of who you are

Don't remember that rush of joy

He could be that boy

I'm not that girl.

I need someone to talk to, but there are very few people I can be completely open with. I can only think of one at the moment, and her cell phone is broken. Oh well. I'll survive, right? I'm supposed to be excited. My birthday is next week and I'm going to St. George tomorrow, yet I'm not positive I'm even excited right now. Sure, I can pretend when I'm around other people, but it's just a face. It's what they expect.