Eh.

      My grades this semester are going to be terrible. I'm not okay with that, but there's nothing I can do at this point. I definitely bit off more than I could chew. I'm glad that I'm taking a break from BYU for a while. I think China will help me relax (since we're only allowed to take 12 credits) and rethink what I really want in my life. I lost track of the big picture this semester. I let my stress and worry and sadness get the better of me, and I'm terrified of telling my parents. I hate disappointing people, especially the ones I care about. Especially since some people seem to think I can't fail. I tell them that my grades this semester are going to be abysmal, and they reply "Oh, you'll be fine, you're smart."

      I'm just not good enough any more. It's as though after graduating from high school, I regressed back to how I was as a sophomore: shy, lazy, sad, unmotivated, tired, unsocial. I've put myself back into my shell, and I don't know how to break out again.

      The worst part is I can't change anything about this year. I can do my best in the future, but there will still be a huge blot on my records, tainting the rest of my college career. I suppose it might be good to serve as a reminder of what happens when I let myself go, but it will still hurt my educational future.

      Next semester, I will be better. I will ask for help when I need it. I will not unreasonably procrastinate. I will have a more serious attitude towards schoolwork. If I work, I will not let it become more of a priority than school. I will find healthy outlets for stress. I will set achievable goals for myself and implement plans to follow through.

     Okay, back to studying now.