*insert witty title post here*

Dear depression,

Go away.


Love, me.


我忽然不开心--我不知道为什么。


I'm doing everything right this time. I surround myself with happy people. I'm reading my scriptures and saying prayers. I'm doing something I love and staying busy. And yet every time I'm alone for a moment I can hardly breathe. Even sometimes in the middle of something, I just feel crippled. It's as though there's some essential piece of me that's been cut out, and I don't know how to get it back.






Yesterday was particularly bad. I took a short nap after church because I couldn't do anything else, and then I decided to try and be productive. I got my roomies to make lemon bars with me, but I effed up the recipe--from the very beginning, which is why I don't cook--but we just decided to "experi-bake" instead. It didn't turn out too bad, I guess. 


Goodness, I love the girls I live with. They help me so much, I don't think they realize how much. Especially Gena. She's one of those people that I just have so much in common with. I don't even know how to explain it. We slept together last night! Haha. It was really cold.


I'm mostly better today, because last night was so good, but... I can still feel it in the background of my life. Depression's just lurking there, trying to sneak back in, and I'm not sure how to keep it all the way out anymore. 


Woooh. I haven't posted in a while, so here's a few of the things I've been up to:
-Learning. I love my teachers a lot, and my classmates are amazing. We're tight.
-Afternoon classes are performance, cooking, crafts, calligraphy, and PE. They're really fun too; calligraphy is my favorite. 
-Meals. At the Cannon Center. I can feel myself getting fatter every day, so I'm trying to cut back.
-Computer time; kinda my FB/blogstalking time. 
-I love Chinese music.
-I love people.
-I love my roommates. It's me, Lily, Nicholle, Kristin, Krista, and Gena. They are my favorites.
-Pranking the boys room--poster at midnight! Woot!
-Gena and her fairies: "我没有头发！我的身体在哪儿？" Love love love.
-Random baking on Sundays.
-Stewart fell at Stewart Falls.
      --There was still 10 feet of snow up there! Ridonkulous!
-Minigolfing! And being attacked by an evil bird!
-Lily. And her stories. Goodness me. Greg the Goat and Lyle the Crocodile are immortalized.
-I'm on the committee for planning the banquet! Whoo! It's kinda stressful, because I feel like I'm not that creative, but our ideas flow really well. 
-Church! Last week we went to the Chinese family ward, which was really cool. The Spirit was there so strong, and it was amazing. Absolutely amazing. Yesterday we went to the Asian YSA ward, which was also quite cool. My friend's dad was there, because he's on the high council or something. They had this amazing musical number; it was Where Can I Turn for Peace? with cello and piano. It made me want to cry.


Anyway, you get the idea. I'm learning a lot and making new friends and trying to be happy. It's just hard sometimes. Story of my life. 

我爱中文！


사랑해!